China Reflection

The clouds drifting in the sky also have dreams.  The longest road in life is the return home.  The infinite cloudless day, is like the passing of years.  I hink of a distand place, and remember your sweet smile.

In the words of my grandmother, Louise Oppenheimer Levin, the opening lyrics of “Hope,” when translated into English would be considered, “Corn, pure corn.”  It’s true, that they are extremely over the top and sentimental…too sentimental for any singer from the West to put his or her name to the song nowadays.  Still, when I first heard the song I couldn’t understand the lyrics at all.  It was just the melody I liked.  And now…here I am in a recording studio trying to sing the song over and over again.

We’ve been in the studio for a couple of hours now, and we keep having to do double-takes, as I cannot remember the lyrics, or I sing them off key, or not in time.  The lyrics that I downloaded and practiced for this recording session were from an alternate version of “Hope,” so all of my preparations were in vain.  In the room, there are a few young hipsters who work for the Anhui TV station.  The guy with the longest hair coaches me through singing the lyrics as I re-enter the studio after they have taken a 10 minute pizza break.  Watching them scarf down the pizza during the interim, I’m reminded of my college days at Indiana University when my housemates and I would order a “Big 10″ pizza which came equipped with 10 fattening breadsticks and ranch dipping sauce.  I can’t imagine eating this stuff anymore, I’m so conditioned on Chinese food now.

“Let’s try it again,” says the long-haired stud.  I’m not sure why I’m recording my voice singing this song.  It’s my understanding that they are going to use my recording at a later date.  In addition to singing the song, they also have me read a self introduction in Chinese that roughly translates to the following:

“Hello.  My name is Jeffrey, just an ordinary volunteer.  When I volunteer and teach English to my blind students, I’m filled with hope.  This is why I chose this song to sing.  Their hope is my hope.  I hope in the future, we can all have more hope.”  Perfect…the selfless hero.  Except I’m not.

I push through the lyrics of the song, thinking that my job is done, that this is the last time that I’ll have to put on this masquerade as the volunteer I’m not.  But I learn, it’s only just beginning.  After the recording is finished, the long-haired stud turns to me and tells me of the next plan.

“Alright.  Now that we’ve got it down, you’ll be ready to perform it on stage with He Jie (the 3rd place finisher in China’s “Supergirls,” kind of a Chinese version of American idol).  We’ll just use the voice that you recorded today during the performance. ”

It Comes Together

Two weeks later.  I wait outside the metro stop near Yong He Lama temple.  The long-haired stud told me that he should be arriving in a few minutes.  I wonder what kind of car he’ll be driving?  I stand out of the Sun as it shines down, so as to keep out of the heat.  I’m wearing shorts, a collared shirt, and sandals.  I decided to wear the collared shirt in order to make the tiniest effor at dressing up.  I remember that they told me to look “semi-nice” for this performance, so hopefully my half-hearted attempt will suffice.  I imagine that today’s “performance” will only be a replica of last time.  Maybe we’ll be filmed from the waist up lip-synching the song, “Hope.”  Maybe.

I get a call.  The long-haired stud has arrived.  There’s a bus at the end of the street where I see him waving me on.  As I hop on the bus, I look around and notice that it’s mostly full.  Apparently I’m not the only volunteer today.  Sitting in front of me is a robust, young, man who took an all night train from Sichuan to Beijing.  He does volunteer work with pandas.  Beside me is a girl from Hebei Province who works at Beijing Institute for Disabilities as a sign language interpreter and teacher.  Two rows in front of me is a young man who is missing both of his arms.  Sitting beside him is his young girlfriend with dyed blond hair.  Behind me is a young deaf couple.  The guy’s name is Zhang Long, and he is from Tianjin, not far from Beijing.  I don’t know it at the time, but after today we will become friends.

I’m sitting on the bus, unsure of where are destination is.  All I’m told is that we are going to a recording studio on the outskirts of Beijing and that dinner will be provided.  I take the lyrics of “Hope” out of my pocket to look them over.  I want to be prepared for the “performance” whenever it happens.  Still, it doesn’t matter how many times I look over the lyrics; I can’t remember the song in it’s entirety.  I’m not that worried, though.  If this “performance” is anything like the last recording, there will be plenty of double-takes to correct my mistakes.

We take the bus for about an hour, going through the Beijing suburbian traffic.  The cityscape changes to flat fields and smaller buildings.  When we arrive at the studio, we pull into a parking lot filled with cars and news crews.  After deboarding the bus, a young man wearing horn-rimmed blackframe glasses from Anhui TV station comes out to greet us.  He takes one look at the flip-flops I am wearing and frowns.

“Hey man….don’t do that.”  He points down at my feet.  Now I know that today is not going to be a simple studio recording.  This is going to be a full on camera, live TV audience type deal.  My whole body, including my feet will be shown somewhere in China at some point in the future.   It’s all beginning to dawn on me, and I feel duped.  I also feel like a deceiver–the modern day white male version of Lin Miaoke^W.

“So, let’s show you guys where the performance will be,” Blackframe Glasses says to us.  He and another girl from Changsha^W accompany us into the studio.  We’re lead into a dark auditorium with a large stage set up at the front.  Facing the stage of rows of bleachers.  In a couple of hours, the stage will be embellished with lights and bubbles, and the bleachers will be filled with teeny-boppers getting ready to see their favorite stars lip-synch their one-hit wonders.  It’s all coming together in my mind.  I am just a ligament the skeleton of a “Volunteer and Superstar Variety Show” that Anhui TV has set up.  Each of the volunteers has his/her own speciality.  The Panda guy will sing a song about loving nature, Zhang Long will use sign language to a sort of interpretive dance to a popular Chinese song, the guy without any arms will incredibly and unbelievably play a piano song with his feet!  And I will lip-synch to the song, “Hope.”  I am an impostor.  In a way I think it’s appropriate that I wear no shoes…I shouldn’t even be wearing shorts or underwear.  I should just strip naked to the audience to show them what a fake I am.

Over the Top

We go back to the “green room,” a classroom on the 3rd floor, to prepare for our “performances.”  I pull out the crumpled lyrics to “Hope” and begin to study them a little frantically.  The room is a little cold and intense.  It feels like we’re all getting ready for the guillotine or a big interview.  The audience will begin arriving soon, waiting to see which superstars are paired with which volunteers.  After 4 years in China I am still just as unfamiliar with modern pop and movie stars as before.  I don’t have a tv, and I rarely watch movies; instead, spending most of my time trying to learn about obscure historical figures like Fang Xiao Ru^W (read about him!) and places like Handan^W (will have to write an upcoming post about this place).  I have no time for pop culture; yet, now I find myself being plunked right down in the middle of it. 

I am one of the first people who will perform, so my stage death will end soon enough.  As I prepare, Blackframe Glasses comes into the green room to talk with me.

“Jeffrey, after you sing your song with He Jie, the MC is going to ask you a couple of questions.  They’ll ask you a question about which student made the deepest impression on you during your time with Hong Dan Dan.  MAKE SURE to tell them about Lu Yao, the student who gave you the drawing (see previous post titled “Voice in the Dark” for reference).  Remember, this is very important to talk about this story.”

“Ok. Sure.”

“Oh…and put my shoes on, man.  You can’t go on stage with He Jie wearing sandals!  Come on.  Don’t do that.”  He takes off his shoes and I squeeze into them just barely.  A little more respectful.  After the shoe switch he leaves the room.  15 minutes until I’m on stage.

The girl from Changsha comes into the green room to fetch me.

“Jeffrey.  Let’s go.  You should meet He Jie before you two ‘perform’ together.”

Changsha girl takes me by the hand and leads me out of the green room.  The air chills. 

SLAM!

I turn behind me.  The door of the green room has been slammed shut.  In its place is a whirling darkness that leads into a void.  There’s no going back there.  Changsha girl’s hand turns icy cold in my grip.  I turn around to look at her once more and am horrified to find that the skin has peeled off her face.  Muscles and tendons melt and drip down to the floor in a sticky glob.  Her once tight-fitting (and attractive) jeans and snug shirt have been replaced by a black robe.  She floats down the hall and pulls me with her, a scythe of impending death resting in her left hand.  The bony joints of her left hand pull me towards the door of the film studio.  I can hear the crowd inside. 

“Walk in through the door.  We’ll go to the left side of the stage.  He Jie is waiting to meet you,”  the Spirit of Death says to me.  The doors open.  Inside the live studio audience of teeny-boppers is waiting to greet the next act.  No one sees me enter as all eyes are currently on the superstar on stage. 

He Jie is indeed a beautiful girl.  She has sparkles on her face, and a lovely smile.  I turn to look for the spirit of death, but Changsha girl has returned.  Time to face reality.

“Let’s take a picture together, so 10 years later when our children ask us about how we met, we can show them this photo,” I say to He Jie.

She complies with my request and we snap one photo together.  Changsha girl gives me instructions of how I’m to walk on stage.  She takes me behind centerstage.

“So, when the instrumental music starts, you’ll just walk through the stage.  It’s going to split open, and you walk out there and just start lip-synching.  Remember to open your mouth so that it looks like you are singing,” she reminds me.

I sit down behind the stage and pull out my lyrics to study them one last time.  It doesn’t matter.  Everything will look perfect or horrible on tv.  And I will never watch this farce for as long as I live.  My feet feel uncomfortably squished at this point.  It’s as I’m amidst studying the lyrics that I notice my own voice piping in the loudspeakers…

“Hello.  My name is Jeffrey, just an ordinary volunteer.  When I volunteer and teach English to my blind students….”

It’s the same recording I did in the studio.  The moment is coming.  The music starts.  I stuff the lyrics into my shorts and stand up.  God splits the stage in two, it opens up, the lights hit my face, and I walk out to the loving people.  He Jie is there in her splendored and glitzy shortness, awaiting her prince.  As soon as the lyrics begin, my mind draws a complete blank.  I completely forget how to even say, “hello” in Chinese….but….I remember to open and close my mouth as the words of my own voice magically come out of the loudspeakers.  I must look just like a marionette puppet throughout the song, my mouth dropping and raising just like a dummy.  It doesn’t matter.  The audience is mostly looking at He Jie.  She must be thinking, this idiot foreigner….how did I get hooked up with him.  God, I’ve fallen!

As soon as the song finishes, the crowd of TV teeny-bopper zombies bursts into applause.  The music changes to a piano melody that drips like sap from a pine tree.  An MC who looks like a price is right contestant with slicked back hair comes out to “interview” me in front of the audience.  He asks the usual questions about how long I’ve been in China, where I’ve learned my chinese, how long I’ve “volunteered” at Hong Dan Dan.  Then he asks me the question I was prepped for:

“So, Jeffrey,” the music gets quiet, “tell us…is there a blind student that you can tell us about?  Maybe one who left a lasting impression on you?”

Like a robot, I tell them the story of Lu Yao, of how she participated in one of our English corners and drew a picture for me.  I remember her face being mere millimeters from the picture she drew as she labored away on her artwork.  It’s really the only story I have about a particular “student” or longterm member of Hong Dan Dan.  The MC looks at me; it’s a look of anticipation.

“Well, Jeffrey, we’re sorry that Lu Yao couldn’t be here today….but…” he gestures to someone offstage, “….she was able to prepare a special gift from her home in Liaoning^W province.  We hope that you enjoy.”  One young staff member of the TV station comes on stage carrying a framed pencil sketch of my likeness playing the banjo.  It’s been autographed by none other than Lu Yao.  At this moment, my mind freezes.

How the hell could Lu Yao draw this in such a short amount of time?  And how did they get it here from Liaoning?  There’s no way that she drew this.

Just like Lin Miaoke, I put on a pretty smile as I’m handed this gift, the origins of which are still ambiguous to me.  I try to act as if I am genuinely touched by this presentation, and yet I feel perplexed and almost fooled instead.  I take my gift and exit the stage, leaving the ruse behind me.  The next act is up.  It’s the Panda guy from Sichuan.  I watch him enter the stage, and the audience goes wild as he is accompanied by another one of China’s teeny-bopper hearthrobs.  They execute their songs perfectly.  The Sichuan guy gives a 5 minute speech about the love he feels for the pandas, followed by professing his love to his girlfriend, who amazingly the TV station has managed to contact via video phone.  It is a perfect performance, pulling the audience’s heartstrings.  Teeny-boppers bat their eyelashes at the superstar on stage and shed tears over the young man from Sichuan letting his soul open to the world on national television.  It’s a perfect TV story with a happy ending for all.  I’m just happy I don’t have a tv and can let it live on in memory.